Light in the Seed – Osho

Sat Sangha Salon

Osho, how can I become a light unto myself?

Shraddho Yannis,

These were the last words of Gautam the Buddha, his parting message to his disciples:

“Be a light unto yourself.” But when he says, “Be a light unto yourself,” he does not mean become a light unto yourself. There is a great difference between being and becoming.

Becoming is a process, being is a discovery. The seed only appears to become the tree, that is an appearance. The seed already had the tree within itself; it was its very being. The seed does not become the flowers. The flowers were there un-manifest, now they are manifest. It is not a question of becoming; otherwise a pebble could become a flower. But that doesn’t happen. A rock cannot become a rose; that doesn’t happen because the rock has no potential for being a rose. The seed simply discovers itself through…

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The Invisible Man

Sat Sangha Salon

When I was a kid I used to love the movie The Invisible Man. I must have seen it 5 or 6 times, probably even more. I mean the one filmed in black and white, most probably the one from 1933 with Claude Rains.

Not too long ago I stumbled upon the most amazing discovery. I don’t think I have ever heard or read anyone speaking about this fact. In meditation, I discovered that my body cannot see me, neither my foot nor my hand, not my torso or even my head. I can see them. I can perceive my body with my eyes closed but it cannot see me.

I can also see my mind working. I can see thoughts. When I say see, I mean perceive. I can see thoughts but as far as I can tell they can’t see me. If they can they must be using…

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red feather flowers

Silver Poetry

you broke something
I crawl
in the ceiling
over here under there
in the dark night
under the new moon
this church is in disrepair
there is dust on my fingers
and in my hair
my heart
it must be here
I slide across
the silver line
along the dark wood walls
a small box
full of unfair
two red birds flying
this church is in disrepair
there is dust on my fingers
and in my hair
my heart
it must be here
I wander this house
dropping feathers like flowers
i smell honeysuckle
better than fear
I want you
Trying to make you hear
Through my dreaming
every day every day
every where
this church is in disrepair
there is dust on my fingers
and in my hair
my heart
it must be here
I’m crazy for you
I look for your eyes

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Vision on Mt. Shasta

Love the questions, and the journey to answer those questions.


I feel that my living close to nature gave me an interest in Native American teachings,  but, after 12 years of focusing on these teachings, I had to look at the other parts of myself and make peace with my European Christian ancestors. This came to me through another vision, this one on the top of Mt. Shasta in 1990. I was 38 years old. This vision changed the course of my life, and a new direction came to me.

Battles were being waged over the fate of Mt. Shasta, between developers and environmentalists. The Native American people saw the mountain as their sacred shrine. Environmentalists viewed the mountain as a pristine place in nature worthy of preservation. The New Agers saw it as site for pilgrimage toward spiritual understanding. The developers saw it as virgin timber, money to be made, condominiums, a ski resort. Everyone had his viewpoint. I…

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“Shakti Garden” Magic

Garden sweat is the best.

Started making more of a creative flow garden in my little patio today.  Getting the creative juices flowing.  Intuitive gardening is what I am calling it.  I did this in my Auburn house in California a few years ago. The weedy knoll in the backyard corner, for a few years…I just stared at it.  Looked as if someone had done something there at one time, but not lately.  One day as I looked at this corner, it suddenly struck me… this was very much like my life, physical and spiritual! Neglected.  Something stirred in me, moved me slowly.

As I began the physical  work in the garden knoll, I felt an unfolding, the  essence of this potential garden,  and  a deeper discovery of myself both physical and spirit.  As I opened the spaces between rocks found under the dry weeds, green plants began to show themselves as they were enticed by the sun, the rain, the wind and my own hand.  I began to feel what I call the “Shakti Wind” guiding me.  The garden began to emerge into a beauty after a month of sweat, prayers, mantra, and water offerings. Two larger rocks emerged in the back of the Shakti garden, a deep red stone pointed  and a white stone with a hollow as if a puzzle piece of stone fitting together.  I had begun to bless the garden and rocks with rose petals from my front yard rose garden, that I had now included in my daily routine of watering,  pruning and gathering petals.

One long weekend, returning from camping, I opened the backdoor to step out in the garden and  a dragonfly flew to my eye level.  Flapping its wings hurriedly, it stared at me, for a surprisingly long time.  It seemed to be asking me where I had been. In the end he may have forgiven me, as he, humming birds, and other winged creatures continued visiting this living, thriving garden.

Eventually I added a little Zen bench, a wind bell, and some tiny pots where I lay my crystals on full moon nights. I felt very blessed here and spend time daily.  Subtle movements, shadow and light play,  sun through the green ivy plant leaves,  wind moving the tall and short plants in a kind of tantric dance with their shadows on the fence bending simultaneously.

We sold that home with the Shakti Garden, moving to a tinier home.  I sometimes wonder and hope  the new home owners feel the magic of the corner garden that became so alive, and helped me to unravel my own mysteries. Sending them blessings.

Now working on the tiny spot in the patio of our recent place, a little sweat as I begin the unfolding.  Excited as the process begins, the words come to me, ” Om Namah Shivaya”.   I sing the words…   This mantra  always come to me when I am overflowing with joy, peace and love.  The magic already beginning!

Golden Flecks

Where does one begin when looking backwards at one’s life experiences, trying to speak the story? It seems as if there is a connection. A luminous string running through it all. For a while I used to think “before” K or “after” K. It seems as if my life was connected to the K always. And always, there is an unfolding that spreads out the horizon like an opened oriental fan, a wind on my face. Or it seems finely focused, a floating speck in the eye’s iris.   (sadhu and a painting of his)sadhu copyTime seem to come to a stillness, but often, too, there is a sense of riding a horse on the merry-go-round. Past, present and future spin the luminous string, as if tuning my heart.

Coming from Ohio, I am asked how did you get here? Japan and India, yes, they know I lived there. But more so, as if they are asking about the thinking that may have been looked on as different in the mid-west for a child born in 1950. I am not sure “how” I got “here”, but it has been a long ride, both smooth and bumpy,

For a long time now, since 2012, I have been only able to remember the explosion of what learned later as a Kundalini awakening. I had seen the word, “kundalini” at the ashram in India in the late 70s. We used to do the “kundalini meditation”. But it never really came to my mind, what it was. I must admit, I did know things were happening there, in the ashram, around the teacher, Osho, that was a mystery. I think I knew the first time, that things were absolutely different here, when the flowers, trees and bushes in the walkway in the garden twinkled and became luminous as I lined up to go to meet Osho and become a “sannyasin”. No one else seemed to notice the lightness of the flowers, as I looked at around. It was as if there was a “show” for me. Gold flecks of light.

After my initiation I didn’t go to Osho’s discourses often, but hung around the ashram and the town, Poona. The sites, the people, the colors, the fabrics, the fragrance, the foods… in a kind of bliss. Such joy! One day I went back to the room I was staying in, and my husband at the time, Swami Ananda Sadhu,  (he liked to be called “sadhu” in our writings), was there. I was so open, so full after meeting Osho…..I looked up at the ceiling, and could see through it. I saw the stars on the dark sky. In this sky, was a ribbon of light, a wide ribbon, with symbols written on it. Later I called those symbols a “light code”. Within a span of time that I have no understanding of, I seemed to be connected to another consciousness.   I remember going to sleep, but before lying down, I saw a kind of light body….sitting next to me. I am still not sure if it was my light body or my husbands. When I woke up….how many days?…..I could no longer write down the codes, nor remember the key from this other consciousness.  I do remember crying to sadhu, that things were going too fast, it was too much for me. Things slowed down after that. Months later, sadhu and I separated. We said our goodbyes in Poona. I re-married again, moved back to the states from living abroad 11 years (Japan), and had two children, became a housewife, and a teacher of preschoolers and mentor coach of teachers…teaching a simply life, a natural way of learning. In the back of my mind and heart there was always the “seed” Osho had planted, and the awakening ray that seemed to be put on hold. It was just waiting the right time, so it seems.

In 2009, I began to notice a deepening of my awareness, longing, synchronicity, and urgency. There was no going back, it felt, I must move forward. Many of the typical awakening symptoms occurred, later I found out, and I fell into a “dark night of the soul”. I surrendered in many ways, felt I had already died, so might as well. I “lost my mind”, the flecks of gold reappearing, the connection to sky, sun and moon. Still, I was able to proceed as a teacher, a mother of two, and a wife. I also “found” my past husband, sadhu. As I look back, he was my guide, my teacher to get me through what he sensed was coming, and he had already gone through. He was in London, I in California, but there was email and a kind of telepathy happening between us. We hadn’t connected since India days in 1981.

On February 28, 2012, I had a spontaneous Kundalini Awakening with a spinal sweep and out-of-body experience. After the “event” I went to email to tell sadhu about it. As I opened my computer, he had already written, “Congratulations. Go and tell your friends, your children”. I was afraid. What is happening? I was quiet, absorbing, but finally I wrote back to him 2 weeks later, realizing what a Friend he had been these past years from afar. Helping me to realize the past I was clinging to , carrying needless heavy luggage. (NO I wasn’t, I kept telling him!!!) I now wrote:

thank you
for the warning
for the patience
for being here.

I told my friend and family
about it all…even though
I wasn’t sure what it was.
I ended up very much in a
floating sliding trance and
white light, body paralyzed…
looking at self from self.

not until seeing I was carrying
that suitcase.
Trust came in to play.  Trusting.
It slipped away…..

Lightness and a wonderment.
Like a chick looking around…yes.
A newness…I wrote on my calendar:
rebirth February 28.

Been looking at what is a Friend
Osho is right…Friend is higher”,


*my name from Osho.

Labyrinth Walls

Dorothy Walters writes:

“The place where you are right now

God circled on a map for you.”   Hafiz

The poet tells you

god has put a circle around you on a map

to locate you in a sacred space,

Then why do you keep tunneling


carving labyrinths for your escape?